This morning I got the line on my OPK (Ovulation Predictor Kit) you would of thought it was a BFP the way I hopped around excitedly! I guess I was just glad that everything seemed in working order and that precious egg was on its way…..so the only thought that occupied my brain today was BD! (Baby dancing) I spent the afternoon cleaning the house, tidying the bedroom, placing scented candles about the house and shopping for OH fav meal and buying a little saucy underwear 😉
I imagined the evening……
He comes home from work, has a refreshing shower, we enjoy a glass of wine with a yummy dinner….maybe sit down to watch a little tv… But of course we won’t be able to keep our hands off each other and we would go straight up to bed and make made passionate love………and conceive haha
How the evening went…….
I was late getting home, he didn’t go and shower because he couldn’t be bothered, we ate dinner, sat down to watch tv and he fell into the deepest sleep imaginable……..
I am now sat upstairs whilst he is downstairs fast asleep on the sofa.
My efforts have failed and I feel rejected by my own aspirations.
Bedroom is now dark and a lonely place after candles being blown out, my new lingerie is hanging on the chair unused and I just want to curl in a ball and sob.
I know I maybe am over reacting and there is still tomorrow but after I have gone through so much anticipation today, have I just set myself up for a massive fall. Do men have it easy?
I’m feeling very angry, I have changed my diet completely, I exercise everyday without fail, I drink grapefruit juice, Green Tea and all the necessary vitamins needed, I temp every morning, I take OPKs to work to pee on at lunch time, I track my cycles and constantly check symptoms, cm and cp.
We get a tiny gap per month to try our best to conceive the family we both dream of…so why does it feel I’m doing all the work. I don’t do all the preparations each month for OH to come home and be too tired to make the effort.
I guess I will have to hope that tomorrow goes a little better………..the fun sometimes just disappears and I hate the fact that something that should be so natural feels so mechanical and forced 😦